I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
