My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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