Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize