actually, I'm a sock model
North Korea, Best Korea!
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
