we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry about my life...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
