It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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