So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
