8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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