I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
wow bdsm is so cute
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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