I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
