i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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