You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
