Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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