I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
