I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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