By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
