my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize