I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
