Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
