eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Pants are for mortals
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
