Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
