Non-Jews are for practice
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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