I'm lost and stupid without you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
