Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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