Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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