oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
