So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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