drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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