His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize