so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize