i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
