if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize