Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
