Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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