You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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