So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
