come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
