Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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