Duck Duck Cougar?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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