My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
NoShamevember. You game?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize