Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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