none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
