She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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