It's Friday. Sex?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
