I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
