I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
im holly from the hills drunk
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
