Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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