I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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