I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
did i walk over a car last night?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
