He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
