We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
