***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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