She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
