The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
