In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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