So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
