im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just forgot I was standing up.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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