so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
