Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
