What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
