that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
