Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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