Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
