i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
