everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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