i jhust puked up my retainher.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
