so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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