He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
