In the future we'll all be gay
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
