whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
