just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
