Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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