she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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