The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize