there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
