I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
