you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
