you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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