don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
