it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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