Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
