Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
