I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
