Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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