i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
