There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it because I queefed?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
