Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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