i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
