Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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