Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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