Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
pray to the hookup gods
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
