I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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