Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
