I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
