dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Even my vagina gasped.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
